Thanks to the encouragement of a writer that I talk to and harass on twitter, I am going to post another sample of my writing. This time from a slightly different genre. So feel free to check it out and let me know that you think.
Warning this story does contain some homoerotic elements. So if that's not your thing stop reading here. If that doesn't scare you, read on and I am looking forward to some feedback.
People say that you can’t outrun fate, but like most people I tried anyway. And when we finally make it to an all out sprint, BANG, we bump into whatever it was that we were running from. And for some of us it takes longer for us to make it into that sprint then others. I was able to run and escape my fate for nearly 8 years. Let me say that now I have realized that deep down somewhere I wanted to stop running and that I am happy that I did. But then I didn’t know how to stop. Well that is until I met him.
From the first moment we had made eye contact in Buxton when his eyes held me captive deep down I knew that maybe I should give in and follow my heart. And I couldn’t figure out what it was about him, or why his eyes made me forget what I was doing. And because we had mutual friends it was only natural for us to eventually meet, and become acquainted.
His eyes were the most beautiful grey that I had ever seen, and his whole frame seemed to just glide across the floor. His lips a perfectly kissable cupids bow. And even though he was small and delicately fragile looking, he radiated with and inner strength that few could measure, or match.
Now as fate, the great equalizer, would have it he was having trouble in a class that I had just finished with and had done great in, and he asked me if I could tutor him, which I gladly agreed to do. Because the feeling of doing something to help a friend is immeasurable, and it took up some of the free time that I had, which I glad to get rid of.
Everything started out normal; we met three times a week. The first few sessions we had, I used to figure out where it was he was having problems in the class. And from there we worked, and slowly he got better at his work, so much so that it was at the point where I was no longer really necessary, but he insisted that I continue tutoring him because he had become a part of his routine.
It is that moment, I think, that I hit my all out sprint, and then about a week later, BANG, I ran right smack into the wall. When I started tutoring him we were in the library. And one day I was getting ready to meet him at the library when he showed up at my door, without his books. He said that he had already done his homework, but the time we had spent together had become a habit and he was just used to it. He asked if we could just chill out and talk. It was better then just sitting in my room bored, so I invited him in, offered him a soda, he sat at my desk, I handed him the soda, and I sat across from him.
We talked about a few things that have now somehow slipped from my memory. But, the first thing I vividly remember was him asking me how come I didn’t make eye contact with him when we talked. I told him it was because sometimes you could tell too much about a person from there eyes, and that I preferred not to get close to people. But in reality it was also the fact that his eyes were mesmerizing, and every time I looked into them I got kind of dizzy, and lost.
Then he started asking me about my past relationships, and stuff. Then out of the blue he asked a totally random question that caught me off guard. He asked if I had ever thought about having sex with a guy. I was damn sure that I hadn’t heard the question right, but it still made my mouth go dry and feel like sand paper.
“What?” I said, trying not to choke on the word.
“I said have you ever thought about being with a guy,” he paused and then added, “you know sexually?”
“No,” I said quickly.
“Okay,” he said, as he reached over and put his hand on top of the hand that I had been twiddling a pen in.
His touch sent an electric shock down my spine and all throughout my body. I yanked my hand back, then I looked up at him, then our eyes locked, and I think that he could tell I was lying because he didn’t pursue the question any further.
Then he said, “Oh yeah, by the way, I’m gay.”
I nodded my head and said, “Ok, I figured as much with a question like that.”
He smiled and said it was time for him to go.
I nodded and I said, “Ok, so the same time on Friday right?”
He nodded, and I stressed the words, “In the library right?”
He smiled and said, “Yeah.”
I said, “See you then.”
The next day all I could think about was his eyes, and the way he touched me. No matter what I did I couldn’t escape the thoughts of him. By the time Friday came I was knee deep in feelings that I couldn’t explain, and didn’t want. And my head was filled thoughts of him that burned like a fever.
On Friday about half an hour before we were scheduled to meet, he called me and said that he was waiting for his mom to call and she hadn’t called yet. So he asked if we could conduct the study session in his room. I had the feeling that something was up, and going against my instincts I said ok.
When I got to his room, he was on the phone. After about two or three minutes he hung up the phone. The study session started out normal, I had a copy of the teacher’s notes from the lecture. So we begin to discuss the concepts the teacher had gone over in class. We had the normal discussion, with me walking back and forth explaining things that he had asked me to clarify. Then he started on the homework. I stood behind his chair looking down over his shoulder. He got about a quarter of the way through. Then he asked me if I was hot.
I said, “Yeah. Do you want me to open the window?” he nodded.
I went to the window and opened it, by the time I had turned around he had taken is sweat shirt off and was in a wife beater, and my skin broke out into gooseflesh. So I stood at the window until they were gone.
When we had started again he seemed to be rushing to get it done and he was making simple mistakes. So I asked him what was wrong. He said the he couldn’t concentrate. I asked him what was wrong, and he put his hand on mine, looked up at me and said, “Do you really need to ask?”
Again his touch sent electricity through me, and I yanked my hand from under his and walked to the window. He asked if he was making me feel uncomfortable. I asked him if he understood what it he had to do, and he said yeah. So I grabbed my coat and said that I would see him on Monday. He started to apologize, but I cut him off and said, No, don’t worry about it.” I just walked back to my dorm.
The whole walk back all I could think about was how close I had come to losing control and kissing him, and how much I wanted to kiss him. I was starting to lose the battle that I had been winning for years, and I didn’t like the feelings that I was feeling. I spent the whole weekend trying to get him off of my mind. But I failed miserably.
On Monday he called to cancel, and I was thankful that I had been given a few extra days to try and get him off of my mind. But even those extra few days didn’t help, as a matter of fact if anything they got him only further into my thoughts, dreams. On Wednesday afternoon stopped in to talk to his teacher and he had said that they had a test on Friday. Later that day he called and tried to cancel I asked him if he was sure, because I knew about the test on Friday. He said that he would rather not, if he made me feel uncomfortable. I told him that if he wanted help, I would not deny him that. So I told him to meet me in the library, and I really stressed the word library.
The session started normally, the only difference was I stayed on the other side of the table, and I would sit on that side too. He asked me why I was sitting so far away, and I told him he needed to concentrate. He just nodded his head and went back to work.
After a couple of minutes he started laughing I asked him what he was laughing at.
He said, “I think I know the real reason why you are sitting over there.”
I tried to get a look of mild agitation on my face, but I don’t think it was believable enough, then I said, “Oh really.” I said crossing my arms, “Then enlighten me please?”
“Yeah,” he said, “I think it’s because you like me too.”
I laughed, more out of shock then anything, than I said, “My, my, you’re mighty sure of yourself. What makes you think some shit like that?”
He said, “Okay then, since aren’t. I want you to look me in my eyes and tell me you don’t feel anything for me.”
Slowly I looked up into his eyes, and I could feel the words in my throat, but my mouth wouldn’t move. I could not say a single fucking word, hell I could barely breathe. He just smiled and said, “I thought so.”
I stood up to leave, and he said, “Wait!! Where are you going?”
“Back to my room,” I said.
“Why?”
“Because I can’t let this happen.”
“What? Why? What’s wrong?”
“I can’t be your tutor anymore. You are going to have to find someone else. I’m sorry.”
Then I turned around to leave. But he got up, grabbed my wrist and turned me around face him. I snatched my wrist from his grip and started backing away towards the door. And he just kept walking towards me, and backed me into the wall, and turned to look at the door, and before I knew it I saw his hand was on the wall to the right just above my shoulder. I was about to duck under it when he put his other hand on my neck.
Then he said, “Now I’ve got you,” and winked his eye.
Then he laughed and put his other arm around my neck, closed his eyes, leaned in and kissed me. It caught me by surprise, but after a few seconds, I gave in and I started kissing him back. I still don’t even have the words to describe what it felt like, but somehow it just felt right.
Then he said, “See, now that didn’t hurt at all now did it?” All I could do was shake my head no.
Then he said, “What was it you were so afraid of?”
“I don’t know anymore.” I pulled him closer to and started kissing him again.
Finally I thought, something that just feels right.
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